I can remember walking to the swimming pool on a sunny May day in 7th grade. In lines, hanging out with friends who would have been the popular crowd. Although I always teetered on the edge of that. Mostly hanging in there because we had been friends before we defined popular by looks. So as you can guess I wasn't the prettiest of my friends nor was I a stand out in really anything I did.
I was just mediocre. But I was content and happy with who I was. I definitely followed a crowd more than I should have, as my personality is really to go against the grain. But owning that came later in life. So there I was, walking with the "in-crowd," trying to fit in when out of nowhere I had my first realization that I was more mediocre than I had thought.
I can hear it just like it happened today, Thunder thighs, Alexa has thunder thighs.
Heart stops.
What?
Am I hearing this, thunder thighs, thunder thighs, thunder thighs? Over and over and over, I couldn't' stop hearing it.
At that moment, the first moment I began getting defined by looks. Heart-wrenching and heartbreaking is what it is. For the hold that had on me for longer than it should. I never verbalized it, for the shame of that, but obviously, it never left. Those words clung to me and began the spiral of lies that I wasn't enough.
Fortunately, something bigger was planned for my life and somewhere along the way I mustered the strength to move beyond that, yet it still defines a part of my journey. Yet it wasn't until I was able to accept that, to deal with the hurt and fully move beyond that that I was truly able to blossom into a greater value and respect for myself, regardless of how large my thighs were.
Yes, getting dressed on a warm summer day I still consider hiding my thighs in black leggings or jeans, dreading shorts will cause other people to judge the very thing that began my spiral of self-defeating lies. But now I know better, I know I'm worthy of more, that even in my darkest days my thighs don't define me, I'm not controlled by a number and instead, I choose to respect and value even when it's hard.
But getting here is all about the journey. Of knowing, accepting and moving on for the past and choosing something better. Of letting go of what and how everyone else has defined you and fully living for who you are. And today on the show there is a very wise friend and mentor who is full of wisdom, a past and someone who will ignite your future. It's bright I can tell you that so now will you choose to use your force, the wellness force inside of you to live for something bigger?
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